If only there is a guide to determine whether to let things go or to hold on even if the tough gets tougher...
It just seem like no matter what I do, no matter how understanding or supportive as a friend I can be, I will just end up losing them for reasons that are not about me. Which is frustrating!
I hate being put off to the sideline every single time. I hate always being told that I matter to them but their actions prove otherwise. I hate being pacified with the excuse that they don't want me involved because they care, yet those are the very actions that drops an invisible wall in front of me telling me that that is as far as I can go. That is my limit.
Whenever I finally opened up to someone, they always paint such a beautiful pictures and gave me hope. THEN JUST WHEN I FINALLY FEEL LIKE THIS IS IT, THEY ALWAYS SUDDENLY FREAKING DISAPPEAR. Leaving me confused. It is like trying to grab the air around me, no matter what I do, they just become increasingly distant until I don't see them anymore.
Nothing is fine when you all are leaving me out like that.
Then after awhile, I'll stop all these self-pity. And life goes on as it is. Like all these have never happened before. All those painful happy memories. Never happened.
