NO . YES . NO

I know this is just temporary.

While we are still struggling to adjust to your new duties and your newly regained freedom, I myself have to relook at my own responsibilities and tasks at hand. It has been too long that I have focused too much on you to the point that I am messing up my priorities.

Poor time management, lack of sleep, burning midnight oil for my projects and cancelling my appointments with others and lack of desired attention are causing me to develop drastic mood swings.

I am a person who constantly convinces myself to be considerate and understanding towards other people’s situation. Therefore, even before you find excuses to justify your behavior, I would have already thought of 5 excuses for you beforehand to convince myself. That is why I don’t find any point in telling you what I am upset about when I know you will ask for me to understand.

I know it is hard for you to make changes in your current state, however, at least give me the minimum rights to feel sad for a minute? No matter how annoying I may look when I am throwing a slight tantrum, can you just bear with it and let me have my way for a moment?

I am feeling this way maybe because of the problems between those two couples and also with the exams drawing near and ITE full-time intake is coming soon as well. And for 9 months I have been cooped up at home. I also have to keep a distance from the friend that I can confide in. Is it because of my social inability or that I am damned for life? I don’t like to be caught in a sticky situation but how can I make myself happier?

I want to break away but all these people claiming to be concerned of me are the exact people who are suffocating me. I want to run away from reality. But if you want to become involved and saying stuff like if I want to break your heart or whatsoever, then who can I seek consideration from for me?

Just because you don’t like it, I can’t say some stuff to you.
But why can’t I take a break for a while when I don’t like what I have to endure?

I always tell myself that it is all about mindset. You can be happy when you want to be happy. That is how I come to convince myself to stay positive until I don’t even like myself anymore. Because it has come to a point where I am the one making myself sad. It is nobody’s fault. It is mine.