Alright. Pardon my first post. It was so random because I just cannot wait to revive my blog.
Now after much thoughts, I think I roughly have some ideas what I would like to talk about in this post.
So here goes...
First thing I did when I came back to blogger was to read all my past posts and I have to say, I am really overwhelmed by the memories of all that had happened to me in the past 5 years. Honestly speaking, if I hadn't took a break and read back on these posts, I would not have realised how much exactly have happened; how much I had missed and discovered, how much I had lost and gained, how much I had grown and changed.
One of the things that struck me rather strongly was the loss of my bestest friends, my sisters and brothers whom were once so close before. It probably was rather difficult quite some time back, but looking back again, I would say that we had drifted apart rather than calling it a loss. Because I do believe that somewhere hidden deep in our hearts we still treasure the memories we've had together. After all, it is those little little moments that made us who we are during then.
I would prefer to think that at that time, all of us were in different phases of life; some of us still stuck in school, some of us emerging into the workforce, some of us still lost in the notion (I'm guilty of it), which explains why there were so much differences between us. We were all hit by this hurricane of personal ideas and beliefs that break us all apart. Well, maybe looking on the bright side, it was a natural disaster and nobody is to be blamed. Still, it had definitely drastically changed our lives and we have all gone on different paths, finding new directions, picking ourselves up from the pain.
As for myself, I have changed immensely. I can boldly say that I am a different person from before. Not exactly entirely different. But if you were to ask me if I can return to the past, would I have done or said certain things differently, I WOULD (with both hands up in agreement). AND that is a change. Not that I can change the past, but it is a good sign that I had learnt and grown to be a better person. But of course, I still have my moments when I can be really hard to deal with but those are really rare to come by and I swear I can handle my emotions better now. So you can REALLY give it a shot to try and talk some sense into me if you think I'm being anal sometimes. =)
Then again, I have to agree that I have to go slam myself against the wall because it really took me so damn long not to realise, but to understand the fact that I HAVE FRIENDS. The reason why I was behaving the way I was before was due to lack of self-esteem and I was so afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid of commitment and I admit that I was in idle mode, which was very unfair for all my friends who have always been there for me, and hoping that I'll do the same. But now, I see it. NOW I KNOW (epiphany; ding! with a lightbulb on my head)!
And with that, I want to THANK ALL OF YOU for being there for me. Be it in the past, now or in the near future and more to come, I want to sincerely thank you all for still wanting to try to be here and there and everywhere for me.
Many thanks to my parents as well. Although there were many things that I do not tell them, but being parents, they can roughly sense it when I'm really down. There are times when I see them looking at me with worries on their faces even though I try as much to look as cheerful and happy everyday, but THEY KNOW, just as much as I can see and feel their concerns for me even though they do not say. I'm really appreciative and happy to have such wonderful parents. Amitabha!
I want to thank a certain someone whom I ought to be mentioning by now but NOOOOOO! I shall leave it to the next month. Otherwise I'll be out of things to write by then. HAHHAHHAHAHHHA!!
Though I have many more things to say, I should end this post here on this note, or Elaine will think that I am writing a composition again.
Last thing I want to say: I may not be an outspoken person, but don't be mistaken, for my poker face is only a facade for the thoughts I have in the back of my head. If it is time for me to speak, you will be blown away, I assure you. TRUST ME. I have wisdom too.
I would prefer to think that at that time, all of us were in different phases of life; some of us still stuck in school, some of us emerging into the workforce, some of us still lost in the notion (I'm guilty of it), which explains why there were so much differences between us. We were all hit by this hurricane of personal ideas and beliefs that break us all apart. Well, maybe looking on the bright side, it was a natural disaster and nobody is to be blamed. Still, it had definitely drastically changed our lives and we have all gone on different paths, finding new directions, picking ourselves up from the pain.
As for myself, I have changed immensely. I can boldly say that I am a different person from before. Not exactly entirely different. But if you were to ask me if I can return to the past, would I have done or said certain things differently, I WOULD (with both hands up in agreement). AND that is a change. Not that I can change the past, but it is a good sign that I had learnt and grown to be a better person. But of course, I still have my moments when I can be really hard to deal with but those are really rare to come by and I swear I can handle my emotions better now. So you can REALLY give it a shot to try and talk some sense into me if you think I'm being anal sometimes. =)
Then again, I have to agree that I have to go slam myself against the wall because it really took me so damn long not to realise, but to understand the fact that I HAVE FRIENDS. The reason why I was behaving the way I was before was due to lack of self-esteem and I was so afraid of getting hurt. I was afraid of commitment and I admit that I was in idle mode, which was very unfair for all my friends who have always been there for me, and hoping that I'll do the same. But now, I see it. NOW I KNOW (epiphany; ding! with a lightbulb on my head)!
And with that, I want to THANK ALL OF YOU for being there for me. Be it in the past, now or in the near future and more to come, I want to sincerely thank you all for still wanting to try to be here and there and everywhere for me.
Many thanks to my parents as well. Although there were many things that I do not tell them, but being parents, they can roughly sense it when I'm really down. There are times when I see them looking at me with worries on their faces even though I try as much to look as cheerful and happy everyday, but THEY KNOW, just as much as I can see and feel their concerns for me even though they do not say. I'm really appreciative and happy to have such wonderful parents. Amitabha!
I want to thank a certain someone whom I ought to be mentioning by now but NOOOOOO! I shall leave it to the next month. Otherwise I'll be out of things to write by then. HAHHAHHAHAHHHA!!
Though I have many more things to say, I should end this post here on this note, or Elaine will think that I am writing a composition again.
Last thing I want to say: I may not be an outspoken person, but don't be mistaken, for my poker face is only a facade for the thoughts I have in the back of my head. If it is time for me to speak, you will be blown away, I assure you. TRUST ME. I have wisdom too.
