Today is like a total emo day.
I was late for school for a full half an hour. Good game liao lor. There goes my A. I freaking had to take a cab down to school because I feel like it is a waster of money getting fake MCs and I really don't know how to act like a sick person. I look so freaking healthy. So after cabbing, I had no money left to sing K. And they had to cancel the thing because of me. I felt so guilty. =((
Then in the morning I asked Ms Lim if there was a need to order warm food for tomorrow, she told me don't have to. In the end Ms Ching said have to and Johan had to call me after my shift. So now it looks as if I wasn't doing my job well. Seriously great~
And also, I haven't freaking started on my reports. Though I don't really care about that honestly. But I have got hysterical teammates and they are making feel the stress over here. I seriously have no faith in getting an A already. I am just trying my best to maintain a B. I have totally no motivation in even going to work because everything is just so senseless to me. I just hope that Ms Ching would really give me a chance to touch Finance like she promised.
Baobao called when I was sleeping. Good thing I can wake up and pick up the call. Then again, the connection got bad and he went off to sleep. =)
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I have got so much things in my heart I want to say. So many things I want to complain. So many problems I have to face. But I couldn't bitch like just anybody could. I couldn't gossip like just anybody do. I couldn't even bring myself to face my own problems. And all I can do is to run away.
It's a personal barrier that I cannot tear.
I feel so bottled like there is only just me for myself. I always see how my friends were on the phone bitching about this person they don't even know or even just calling to tell the other what they have done today. And I realised that I have never ever did this kind of thing. Seriously sad.
I have never ever called my friends to say that I am bored, please talk to me. Or call my friends when I feel so suffocated I could die. Or even just calling to tell them about what I did today, thinking that they might be at least a little bit interested to know.
I feel like I am convinced as to why anyone would even give a shit about my life and what is the purpose of knowing? I know my friends are trying hard to be there for me and letting me feel that I do have them to lean on. But it is really my personal challenge that I cannot overcome. And I am really afraid to admit that, because it will seem like I am total unappreciative of my friends.
But I love my friends.
