what exactly?
Things have not been good on internal affairs recently. Alot of things, too much to handle. It's overbearing and I really feel quite numb right now. How should I continue? Should I even try? It's too much of 'me' already and it seems like there is no way I could ever do anything to make anything right again. It seems to me that there ain't any place anymore for negotiation. And I'm stuck, here.
Troubles never come alone. And my downfall is never ending. It's as if it's JUST MY LIFE.
Sometimes, I hope that at least someone could stand on my side. To understand my circumstance, to walk me through. To make me feel that things are not that bad. To give me some courage to stand to the obstacles. It will be warmth for me. But everyone just seems to like to be on the neutral side. And neutral side normally provides advices or comments that are neutral which eventually makes them sound really 'heck care'. Neutral is good. But still it makes me feel bad because neutral still means not on my side.
And the natural assumption would be, if it's not here, it must be there. So if you're not on my side, you're on the other side.
Pets are loyal. I know it's probably nuts to say this but you can't really blame me for turning to a someone else. Someone who will definitely be on my side, someone who will definitely at least try to say something that I want to hear, someone who will make me feel less like shit. In this kind of situation, you can't really blame me for wanting to turn to someone like this. When I feel hurt, I need consolation and shelter. And someone is always ready to give it, I KNOW.
It's as if when you guys have problems you'll turn to me. Rarely. I won't even know unless i read blogs or someone else told me about it. Okay, I could almost predict the next thing you guys are going to say would be that I didn't ask about it. And not asking seems to make me look like i don't care about you guys. So now, I got some issues and I said you guys don't understand, because you guys don't ask ME but OTHERS. But the arguement is flipped over and the counter arguement now is that I don't tell you guys when I have trouble.
You told me it's normal. Then you tell me again, knowing me for years, is it my nature to showcase my problems? I'm talking about my character here. Is being silent a sin too? Is it my fault to want to SUFFER SILENTLY ALL BY MYSELF and LET SORROW EATS ME FROM WITHIN??
IS THAT A SIN?
Is being unhappy my fault? Is not letting others know im unhappy my fault? I don't even have the rights to feel shitty? Is it wrong to feel shitty? I can't have my blues? I can't feel like ranting? I can't feel like running away? I can't seek shelter?
Standards standards. I must follow your standards. So those lines speaking of acceptance regardless of whatever circumstance is all just a fake front? It's unachieveable by you. So don't bullshiat~
NO PASSWORD HERE.
