I was scared. And I become paralysed when I am scared. Everyone has their own set of reaction to everything. Maybe I am the really odd one. Maybe I should be doing my best to change this. But I feel that even after all the compromise through the years, yet none of us feel that there is a need to change in ourselves, then I thought that was probably a sign.
A sign to show that it's enough and we should stop trying to think that things WILL be better next time.
Sometimes, it is just a fact that this person couldn't clique with you. No matter how you try to make everything matters, it just wouldn't. The weirdest thing to this is that you actually know all of these, but you still thought you could try, then end up heartbroken again and again.
Why can't we bear to let it go?
What is there to be afraid of?
I couldn't answer all of these too. Because I am exactly the crazy person I am describing here. I know how the both of us are just not suitable, but I just couldn't let things go. Even though to speak the truth, especially when I start to even cry, the first thought that comes to my mind was 'hide'.
When I realise that hiding is no use, because when I shut myself away from the world, I'll get attacked even more, and the second thought that follows would be 'just freaking let go' and run away. But it was another oxymoron, because I freeze when I am scared, yet my mind just wanted to run.
Soon enough, I couldn't feel myself and then I didn't know exactly what am I doing. Where has my mind gone to and what am I suppose to do with this mindless body?
I think I need time to learn how to be human.
Maybe, I'm just not meant to co-exist with the others.
